***WHAT HE'S REALLY SAYING

Ever wonder what men are thinking?  Well, here's some common man-speak and
how it actually translates:

"I can't find it."
Translated: "It didn't fall into my out stretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"It's a guy thing."
Translated: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical."

"Can I help with Dinner?"
Translated: "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"I'm going fishing."
Translated: I'm going to hang with my buddies, sit in a boat with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"Uh huh, sure, hone." or alternately "Yes, dear."
Translated: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Translated: "I have no idea how it works."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Translated: "I can hum the theme songs on ESPN, the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."

"Take a break honey, you're working too hard."
Translated: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Translated: "Are you still talking?"

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Translated: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."

"I heard you."
Translated: "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."